Sunday, 3 Sep 2006
Karen over at Troll Baby wrote a great post a few days back about the importance of being Selfish. I want to send an MTM shout-out to her by way of thanks. I am a firm believe that becoming a parent (and specifically a mom) does not mean sublimating your every desire for the needs of your children. Sure, they need to be fed, clothed, housed, and LOVED. But they also need to see healthy parents leading healthy and fulfilled lives.
Karen mentions this in her blog, but it’s been my personal motto since becoming a MOM – When you fly, the flight attendants always instruct you, â€œIn the case of an emergency, place the oxygen mask over your face first, and then help your child.â€ This is an important life lesson. Take care of your own needs first and THEN focus on the needs of your children. Now, Iâ€™m not suggesting that if you have only enough food for one person that you eat it yourself. I am suggesting that if you take care of your own emotional and spiritual needs, youâ€™ll be better able to care for your children. Otherwise, your issues become your childrenâ€™s issues. If youâ€™re a high-stress person, youâ€™ll pass that along to your kids. If you have a short temper and spend your life storming around, this is the lesson youâ€™ll share with your kids. On the other hand, if you find a healthy life balance where you enjoy your own hobbies, while still finding quality time to spend with your children, thatâ€™s what they will take from you.
The debate about moms who work outside of the home vs. those who stay at home needs to end. Each family needs to make the best choices they can based on their finances, their values, and their individual needs. Some women feel totally fulfilled in a role of wife and mother. Others wither up and die a little bit without a career of their own. This doesnâ€™t mean that one loves her children more. I am home full-time with my son, and I am very thankful for that, but I would go insane if I didnâ€™t have some sort of work of my own. I want my son to know that women can make other choices than â€œmomâ€ and I want him to have parents who are happy and confident. I need to work to make that happen. Fortunately, I have a husband who encourages me in my pursuits, just as I encourage him in his. He understands that I need some time to myself, and makes sure that I have it. For all of our challenges, I know that I truly have a PARTNER in my life. (Hmmmâ€¦ Big Guy tangent!)
Anyway, I just want to encourage other moms to follow Karenâ€™s advice and be â€œselfishâ€ â€“ whatever that means to you. Whether itâ€™s something big, like taking on a job or running a business, or something small, like grabbing a nap when you need one, having some selfish moment can replenish your resources and allow you to be the best mom â€“ and woman! â€“ that you can be.