Wednesday, 23 Dec 2009

Voyeurism, Holidays and the Guilt Factor

I haven’t written here much lately because I’ve been busy with this and that and far too many product reviews and kids and hives and Christmas and… bunches of other stuff. The kids are playing nicely together and I have a moment so let’s see what I can do.

I was just reading a blog of someone who has gone through an experience more challenging than I can begin to imagine. I ended up there by accident, but simply couldn’t leave. I think, when I’m in a difficult situation, it’s good for me to keep things in perspective.

I’ll admit it. I’ve been dealing with some depression over the past week or two. It isn’t the hives, or the sinusitis, or LadyBug’s stomach flu or even the possibility that I may have an egg allergy. It’s the feeling that no matter how hard I try to stay upbeat and enjoy the holiday season, something else comes along to knock me down. I had big plans for this Christmas. Decorations and baking with the kids and family outings and such. Not a single one has come to pass. From Big Guy’s work to health issues to bad weather, there has been a roadblock each step of the way. And each time, I just let go and remember that there will be other special moments and experiences.

I have a mantra that I adopted in the past year, “It is what it is.” It’s my way of reminding myself that there are things that we can’t change and it’s much healthier to move on. I suppose it’s a bit like the Serenity Prayer:
“God, grant me the serenity
To accept the things I cannot change;
The courage to change the things that I can;
And the wisdom to know the difference.”

Still, there are days when the odds feel like they’re stacked against you. And this is what I’ve been struggling with for the past week or so. When you’re tired and frustrated and you spend what feels like hours in the store trying find edible stocking stuffers that your son can eat AND you can eat, it’s not particularly Christmas-y. [By the way, novelty candy manufacturers, could maybe just a few of you make SOMETHING without a nut warning on it?]

Which brings me to the guilt. I’m feeling a bit bad that I’ve been so distracted that I haven’t made Christmas as magical as I could have for my kids. Even if we can’t do the trips or we don’t get up all the decorations, it’s my time and attention that they most need and I haven’t been as present as I could be. I’m working on that. And I’ve been rejecting the attempts that others have been flinging my way to make me feel guilty about other people’s needs. I can’t be responsible for your issues and unmet needs. I’ve got enough of my own. My primary  job is to take care of my kids, my husband and myself. Everyone else will have to manage their own needs and expectations.

Back to the voyeurism. Someone suggested to me the other day that the best parenting blogs are those that impart some sort of wisdom, like parenting tips or recipes or something. To me, the best parenting blogs are those that remind us that we’re in this together and that help us, through example rather than sermon, to get past all of the challenges and to fully embrace all of the rewards. By sharing a slice of life, it helps us connect, see our similarities and, indirectly, support one another.

I’m thankful this year for the mom blogging community, for all of the good things in my life and that my family is relatively happy and healthy. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year! And, since we’re going to try celebrating for the first time as a family, Happy Kwanzaa!


One Response to “Voyeurism, Holidays and the Guilt Factor”

  1. Angela at mommy bytes Says:

    Happy New Year to you Christy! Chin up, and hope you are having a blast as CES. Turns out that I’m going to CA for a work trip next week, so it all works out.